omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
