smell my finger.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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