Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
