can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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