It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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