Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
