I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize