come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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