Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
