We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
