id be glad to
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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