in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize