Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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