I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you win again, gameday.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
