I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
