i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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