ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
