i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
