hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
