He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
