I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
