Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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