But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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