who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
accomplished twins. life is a go
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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