Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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