Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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