Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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