Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my shit smells like andre
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
