My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
