I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm too high and old for this...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
