I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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