The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
