Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
