last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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