I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
