How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
