is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
