you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
