david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
