Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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