i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's blow job season.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
