what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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