Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
