No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
