yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
be right there i have to get my cape
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
