I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I haven't been this sober since birth.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize