the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
