i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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