If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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