is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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