on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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