Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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