I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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