You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
