he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
