That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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