dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
