the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
