Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
