Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
