just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
