I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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