Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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