Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
