I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
