he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
