Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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