having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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