We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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