I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
