dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
